Real Life Updates

“Even the fear of death is nothing compared to the fear of not having
lived authentically and fully.”
— Frances Moore Lappe, O Magazine, May 2004

At this time of year, we are making more efforts than at any other time
of year to make contact with friends and family. One way of doing this
is through Christmas letters and cards. I love to receive updates from
long-distance relatives and friends because it makes the distance
between us seem shorter.

My sister-in-law is particularly good at writing her letters every year
and what I love most about her letters is that they are real. She tells
it how it really was — tough times and good times. She doesn’t go into
the really messy details of her life, but I know that everyday can’t be
perfect. We all have our difficult moments, but we also make it through
to see much better days as well.

So try to keep your updates as real as possible, too. As Sarah ban
Breathnach reminds us in Simple Abundance, “Just remember that your
family and friends don’t live edited lives. You needn’t either.”

HAPPY HOLIDAYS TO ALL!!

Being thankful

"In ordinary life we hardly realize that we receive a great deal more
than we give, and that it is only with gratitude that life becomes
rich."
— Dietrich Bonhoeffer

After this holiday season, it may seem like we have given a great deal
to others. And perhaps in return, you were fortunate enough to be on
the receiving end as well.

In addition to all sorts of wonderful material presents, there is much
more that we receive everyday that we should remember and for which we
should be grateful. Remember the love and kindness we receive each day
from those closest to us as well as the gentle strangers passing
through our lives.

It is through these reminders on a daily basis that we truly can
appreciate how rich we are no matter what our financial situation is at
present.

Giving

“If you knew what I know about the power of giving, you would not let a
single meal pass without sharing it in some way.”
— Buddha (563 BC - 483 BC)

The holiday season brings giving to the forefront of people’s minds.
Carefully (or not so carefully) we select out the gifts for each person
on our list. Some are gifts to show our love. Some are gifts to fulfill
our obligations. Some gifts are given to help those in need.

This year try to see each gift you give as a surge of good “karmic”
energy into your life. Every time we give it will direct more abundance
and goodness to you and those you love.

Stress-free holidays

Before you agree to do anything that might add even the smallest amount
of stress to your life, ask yourself: What is my truest intention? Give
yourself time to let a yes resound within you. When it's right, I
guarantee that your entire body will feel it.
— Oprah Winfrey (1954 - ), O Magazine, October 2002

As the end of the year creeps closer, the little and big stresses of
the holiday season seem to be leaking into our daily lives. So we are
doing what makes the most sense to us, going away somewhere warm!

But, if you are staying home and looking forward to having family and
friends nearby, here are some suggestions to get a head start
on the season and make it as stress free as possible from Simple
Abundance for coping with stress:

Cultivate gratitude
Begin the day with prayer, meditation, reflection
Keep it simple
Don’t over schedule
Strive for realistic deadlines
Never make a promise you can’t keep
Breathe deeply and often
Drink pure spring water — lots of it (Side note: My trick is to
have four 500 ml bottles of water on my desk and I make sure
I drink them all before the end of the day – that is the minimum
amount needed! Put a couple of more in there if you work out that day.)
Eat only when hungry
If it’s not delicious, don’t eat it
Laugh more often
If you don’t love it, live without it
Don’t answer the telephone during dinner
Stop trying to please everyone
Start pleasing yourself
Stay away from negative people
Nurture friendships
Set achievable goals
Create boundaries
Express love every day

What is your mindset?

"Briefly, your mindset is the combination of your experiences, values,
beliefs, self-image, attitudes and habits that are lodged in your
unconscious mind. They determine every action and every result you
have in your life."
— James Arthur Ray

Your mindset is completely unconscious, and yet it is what drives all
your actions and results in your life. As James Ray points out, there
has been much talk about mindsets in the last ten years, however, very
few people know what they are and even less know how to address and
change them.

Success in change comes by dealing with the foundational cause in your
mindset. This means that even if you have the knowledge or the skills
to live a better or more successful life, if the underlying mindset
doesn't support that knowledge, change will not occur.

I am not suggesting that skills and knowledge are not important because
they are. But you can only utilize them if they are laid upon a firm
foundation of winning thought. This is much more than just motivation,
affirmations, or "positive thinking." If you want to change or improve
your results, you must change and improve yourself at the root or
causal level — your mindset! Long-term success is not just about
acquiring new skills ... it's about shifting your mindset.

Personal Integrity

“Real integrity is doing the right thing, knowing that nobody's going
to know whether you did it or not.”
—Oprah Winfrey (1954 - )

Be true to yourself and live your life with integrity. This has been a
message that keeps popping up in my subconscious mind these days. So
what does it mean exactly? What is your truth and personal integrity in
day to day life? For most of us it is just a way of being. A way we
have always lived our lives. It’s not something that one has to even
really think about.

However, I have had to do some real soul searching to realize that I
have not always lived by being true to myself and living with
integrity. I didn’t always have well defined boundaries. I did what I
thought was best at the time for me, but that didn’t always include
what was best for everyone around me. This is a difficult realization
to make. But it was an important one for me to admit to myself so that
I could change my path.

These days I know that I am consciously and subconsciously doing the
right thing, even if no one else knows it — and even if no one else
believes it. And that is the point. It is for me alone to know because
that is the life I want to live.

What is your life purpose?

“For your life path to be fulfilling, passionate and joyous it requires
a connection between you and your spirit, from inside. It requires
connection with your body, mind, heart, and soul, and a courageous
willingness to express on the on the outside what is true for you on
the inside.”
— Janet Amare, Soul Purpose

A life purpose. I believe that we all have a very specific purpose for
our life. Most people get caught up in what their egos tell them they
should accomplish: fame, fortune, power, acceptance, etc. But even
those who have accomplished all of that sometimes come to realize there
is more to life. My daughter’s favorite actor, Will Smith, feels that
he is here to do more than entertain and make a fortune. He doesn’t
know what it is yet. But he is keeping his eyes open for all the clues
to present themselves.

Usually to find the real answers to “Why am I here?” you have to look
past what you do for a living. Your search must begin from the inside.
Understand in your exploration that your life purpose is more about
“being” something than “doing” something. Then you must follow the path
that your heart sets before you. It may take years of deep inner “soul”
searching before you find the true path to fulfilling your life
purpose, but every step you make along the way will take you a step
closer to the answer.

More on Miracles

"Miracles are natural; when they don't occur, something has gone wrong."
— A Course in Miracles

How many people believe in miracles? It seems sometimes that it is a
lost art in our world of technology and facts. Somewhere along the way,
through our schooling or our working, we get the impression that we
need to be in control of everything that happens, we need to understand
how everything happens.

One of my favorite movies, "Shakespeare in Love", has a character who
tells people who are worried about their outcome that "Somehow it will
work out." After when they question him about how he knew in the end
that all would be well, he simply replied, "It's a mystery!"

Reach out to that part of you that wants to believe in miracles. Have
faith that they do occur and that they should occur. And enjoy watching
the world through a new set of eyes as Einstein liked to observe,
"There are only two ways to look at life: One is as if nothing is a
miracle. The other is as if everything is a miracle." Once you allow
this way of thinking into your life you will see how they show up
wherever you go.

The Money Mind Game

"Rich people think differently from poor and middle-class people. They
think differently about money, wealth, themselves, other people, and
pretty well every other facet of life." — Harv Eker.

Now this may seem like a very big generalization at first glance. And
for the most part it is. But Harv Eker is not saying that rich people
are better, he is just saying that they "think" differently.

Did any of you watch Oprah the other day when they featured the
documentary, Reversal of Fortune by filmmaker Wayne Powers, where
cameras follow Ted Rodrigue, a 45-year-old who has been periodically
homeless for the last 20 years? The question examined was what would
happen if one person actually was able to give someone $100,000 and the
free will to do with it what they wanted to do? Would that turn their
life around or would it create more problems?

Turns out that Ted's "financial blueprint", as Harv Eker would describe
it, was not easy to let go of even though he received financial
counseling to deal with his influx of money. He got a room but
continued to sleep on the floor. He still collected cans and bottles,
the primary way he'd survived for years. Ted says he not only spent or
gave away all $100,000, he actually owes more money now than he did
before.

The money game involves so much more than financial savy. It is about
the way you think about yourself, how you think about others, what are
your core beliefs about your life. If you are curious about your own
financial blueprint, do yourself a favor and start by reading Harv
Eker's book, Secrets of the Millionaire Mind. And then you can take it
one step further by attending one of his great seminars which really
can bring your blueprint to the table for you to rework as needed.

Small Gestures Equal Great Kindness

"When you are kind to someone in trouble, you hope they'll remember and
be kind to someone else. And it'll become like a wildfire."
— Whoopi Goldberg.

If you're financially well-off and can afford to give to worthy causes,
you are among the very fortunate. If you are still doing your best to
get to that place but not quite there yet, there are other ways to
share and contribute.

A smile, a loving touch or an acknowledgement of the unique qualities
in another, are simple gestures that lift spirits. If you want to do
more, how about starting a non-profit organization, volunteering your
time and talents (take a look at the great video we donated to
Grandview Children's Centre http://www.grtc.ca ), or helping in your
immediate neighborhood?

Many charitable organizations are always looking for volunteers. You
could be a Big Sister or Brother, or spend time with elderly or
terminally ill people. If you love animals, your local animal shelter
or one of the many wildlife preservation associations are good places
to look for meaningful work. There are truly limitless options that
require nothing more than a willingness to open your heart and extend
yourself. Giving creates a ripple effect, touching the lives of others
in more ways than we can imagine.

Keeping calm

“If you can attain repose and calm, believe that you have seized
happiness.”
— Julie-Jeanne-Eleonore de Lespinasse, O Magazine, October 2002

At this time of year it seems that I have a difficult time finding a
peaceful moment for myself. Whether it is the pressures of putting
together another wonderful Holiday Season full of perfect festivities
and foods. Or whether it is getting some work done while the kids are
home sick from school. Keeping calm becomes a task in itself.

If time is not a thing working in your favour try to do at least one
simple thing for yourself — just keep breathing! Take a few moments
throughout the day to take some deep, conscious breaths. It is quite
amazing how simply getting some oxygen to your brain can help keep you
calm.

Also, try to keep in mind that nothing is so important that you can’t
take even a few minutes break for yourself. If you have a difficult
time convincing yourself of that, let me give you the permission to do
so and call it your mental health moment.

By the way, sorry this was late — I was taking my mental health moment
this morning!

As easy as 1 - 2 - 3 — Think. Feel. Act.

"The more clear and definite you make your picture then,and the more
you dwell upon it, bringing out all its delightful details, the
stronger your desire will be, and the stronger your desire, the easier
it will be to hold your mind fixed upon the picture of what you want."
— Wallace D. Wattles

Did any of you watch Larry King the other night when some of the
experts from "The Secret" were there to discuss "Beyond Positive
Thinking"? I have heard some strange comments about the show. Some
downright negative and shall I say jealous comments in response to the
experts that were selected to speak and their respective messages.

So I feel compelled to speak on their behalf and explain that
unfortunately, TV can distort reality. The panel of experts each had a
few seconds to explain the concept of the Law of Attraction. And even
though I got it (because I already know the concept from my own
studies) I admit the message may have been lost in translation.

So here is the concept boiled down to the basics as explained by James
Arthur Ray (one of the experts on the panel): The Law of Attraction can
be summed up as 1. Think. 2. Feel. 3. Act. No one said you just "think
positively" and your life will turn around. They clearly indicated that
you must also feel the thought as if it already existed (in other words
you can think of an elephant, and an elephant won't magically appear in
your living room -- there's more to it than your thought alone). Then
you must act upon your thoughts and feelings. You can sit in your
living room meditating (thinking and feeling) about your life changing,
nothing will happen until you get up and start doing something about
it!

Trust your body... because your mind can lie.

“Intuition is the supra-logic that cuts out all the routine processes
of thought and leaps straight from the problem to the answer.”
— Robert Graves

Be in your body because it is where intuition lives. In our busy lives,
many of us typically function only with our heads. This is actually
very counterintuitive and tends to cut off our vital energy flow and
may not lead us in the right direction.

Take a moment to reconnect with yourself, with your body. Your body has
wisdom and sends you messages regularly. Your mind is important, but
sometimes it is so busy it forgets to check in and see how the body is
responding.

When making a decision, notice your body's signals. Do you feel
energized? Comfortable? Is your breathing effortless? Your gut calm?
Are your shoulders loose? Or do you have a sick feeling in your
stomach? A lump in your throat? In all your choices, tuning in to what
your body says is a naturally given gift for keeping on track with your
higher self.

Living Thanks

"You see, when you're grateful for what you currently have in your
life, it focuses you on the best. And that puts you in a vibration
(feeling) to attract and receive more of the best. When you have a lack
of gratitude in your life, you're focusing on the worst, and that puts
you in a vibrational feeling that attracts to you more of the worst."
— James Arthur Ray

This is a great time of year to focus on what you are thankful for in
your life. And then continue the habit to create a lifestyle of living
thanks.

Why? Well, when you think about a person, other than you of course, who
is constantly ungrateful. Perhaps they complain a lot and talk about
their problems, their aches and pains. Do you want to be around them
for long? How about helping them? Well, if life is anything like the
corporate office, you would duck behind the desk dividers when you see
that person coming.

On the other side of the coin, you have someone completely different.
They are grateful and appreciative for all they have in life. When they
ask for a favor, are you wanting to help them? Probably, because they
are also the ones that are there for you when you need a helping hand.

So this holiday season, start a new trend in your life, if you haven't
already, and focus on everything you are grateful for every day.

Perseverance

“I think a hero is an ordinary individual who finds strength to
persevere and endure in spite of overwhelming obstacles.”
—Christopher Reeve

Another inspirational quote comes from Thomas Edison and his efforts in
inventing the light bulb: “I have not failed. I’ve just found 10,000
ways that won’t work.” Imagine if he had given up after the first 100
attempts? Or even 1,000? Thankfully, perseverance won out and he
succeeded in achieving his goal.

DECIDING to change is the first step in a healing journey. The second
step is BELIEVING that you can change. The third step is putting a very
strong WHY behind your decision to change. The forth is ACTION — taking
the necessary steps to move you closer to your goals. Now, here is the
fifth important step — PERSEVERE.

Don’t give up. Keep your goals in sight and keep going until you get
there. For every setback, just realize that you’ve discovered one more
way how you won’t get to your goal — and then move on to find your
success.

Respecting the individual

"We must respect the body as an individual planet. No person should try
to own another. We should assign ourselves to assist and to help one
another, but never try to own or possess. Jealousy is a deadly disease
which disintegrates the body."
— "Mr. A", in Born to Heal by Ruth Montgomery

There seems to be some confusion over what jealousy is really all
about. Some seem to believe that it has everything to do with loving
someone. But when jealousy enters into a relationship, anger is soon to
follow. Anger and fear are two of the greatest emotional setbacks a
person can experience. They can actually make a person sick by drawing
out all the energy from the body where it is needed to maintain optimum
health and placing it into the negative emotion instead.

Think back to any of your relationships, past or present, that
entertained jealousy on either side. How well did the relationship do?
Did it survive? Did it blossom? More than likely it did not. Jealously
drains the soul and depleats any love that may have been there in the
first place.

Remember the Law of Attraction: like attracts like. If you are a
loving, giving, and respectful person in a relationship, you will
attract the same in your partner. Focus on respecting the individual in
yourself and in your partner and you will see your love grow.

I understand

“It is well to give when asked, but it is better to give unasked,
through understanding.”
—Kahlil Gibran (1883 - 1931)

Every now and then we have to deal with a person that seems to ooze
with anger. They make our lives miserable with their harsh words or
constant complaints. And often, this behaviour makes us either want
nothing to do with that person, or we want to let out a few harsh words
of our own to set them straight.

However, this situation can be viewed from another side. What if we
were to say to this person, “I understand” — how you feel, how you are
hurt, how you feel alone, how you are scared. Anger is usually a mask
for many other vulnerable emotions that we don’t want to have to face.

Reaching out with some kind words of understanding is probably the last
thing that the angry person would expect to receive, but what a
wonderful gift we could give without even being asked. Kind words have
the power to heal in miraculous ways.

What if?

“Your mistake does not define who you are...you are your possibilities”
— Oprah Winfrey

"What if" stories are pure speculation because something else has
already occurred. It's just guessing. But there are times in one's life
that we when reach certain crossroad events, that due to a decision
taken, or not taken, a chance encounter, whatever, we go one way
instead of another.

These many paths taken and decisions made are the ones that create who
we are today. They form our knowledge, abilities, skills, and emotions.
And from time to time, we may allow ourselves to wonder about how
things might have worked out differently if we'd made different
decisions along the path. That glimmer of "second chances" to do it
again another way.

In the present moment, however, lamenting about the "what might have
been" will not help us with who we actually are right now and the
decisions we must make today for all the possibilities that are before
us. But thinking back with a thought of gratitude for all the diverse
experiences we have encountered along the way, all the people who may
have helped us, and for the strength that we continue to have to keep
going on in our wonderful journey of life, is a good sign that we know
a little of what life is all about.

Healing old wounds

<fontfamily><param>Arial</param>"The divine flow is like the flow of a
river, however many rivers nowadays are polluted, full of junk or
simply stagnating. It is time to take care of them - meaning it is
time to take care of our emotional bodies and to look at them as
rivers, where stuff got thrown in over the years. For some, there is
so much built up, that it works like a big dam which does not allow
any flow of energy. You can easily recognize the flow of energy, by
looking at how much love is flowing in your life, how much happiness,
how much time do you have available, how much money is flowing etc."

— Quantum Angel

It may be time to ask yourself how polluted is your river of emotions?
Has there been some junk and pollution thrown in there when you
weren't paying attention? Are my emotions contaminated and perhaps
poisoning others that come in contact with them?

One quick way to figure out the answers is to look at how much
discomfort or pain you have in your life. Is it all the time, only in
certain situations, only dealing with certain people? We are like our
planet, and over the years of use and misuse the environment now needs
our protection.

Science shows us that we do release chemicals in response to our
emotions. Over time, if these chemicals are not cleared out, they
build up and can become toxic to us. So take action and break down the
dams that are restricting the flow of energy in your emotional river
and get the vitality of living back on track.</fontfamily>

Letting go of the outcome

"Be open to everything and not attached to anything."
— Dr. Wayne Dyer

Thinking back on the things that disappointed me the most in life, they
were all situations that I really had set my heart on getting or
accomplishing. And when they didn't happen the way I wanted them to
happen— expected them to happen — I felt let down. In comes the lesson
of "letting go of the outcome". We don't always know exactly what the
end result will be, and for that reason, we need to detach ourselves
from the final outcome.

Take, for example, a relationship that is ended by the other person. I
remember going through this and thinking it was the end of the world.
THIS was the only person I was ever meant to be with! Only to end up
meeting my future husband a few years later... Maybe I didn't know the
best outcome for myself way back then after all.

So, having an attitude of positive expectancy does create miraculous
results. But don't get caught up or attached to a specific end result.
Continue with your actions, and know that they are the right things for
you to do at the present moment, but surrender any attachment you have
for the outcome. It's the attachment to a specific outcome that may
bring us pain. You may not realize an equal or even greater outcome
that is for your greater good.

The Feeling Power

"In prayer it is better to have a heart without words than words
without a heart."
— John Bunyan

I have often wondered as a young adult if there was really any point to
praying. Over the years though, I have come to realize that there are
many ways to accomplish the real power behind "prayer" (or mediation,
focus, affirmations, etc.). And it's also now clear to me why so many
prayers have gone unfulfilled: Too many of us have not done it the
right way.

When I was little, I was taught the words to certain prayers and I
recited them. But the power of prayer isn't about the words; it's about
the feeling behind the words. How many of us have been taught to
memorize and recite the words, which we so diligently do; but by
focusing so much on the prayers we've memorized, we have totally
forgotten (or they were never explained to us in the first place) the
feelings the words are meant to provide.

So I may not still formally pray like I was taught growing up. My
intentions however are strongly reinforced with my feelings. When I sit
in meditation and visualize something, I add the feelings that are
associated with the visions. Feel the power of prayer and you may just
notice a big difference in what you are praying for.

Creating Room for Change

<fontfamily><param>Arial</param>"By learning to identify the
"emotional baggage" and manage our feeling-world reactions, we can
view life based on current information instead of being held captive
by our past."

— Doc Childre

</fontfamily>

Over the past few years, I have begun the long process of purging and
decluttering my home. I started this because I was preparing for our
family to move. Now, we are still in this same house, but I don't
regret the work I have done so far, and there is still much clearing
out to do. And I am doing it for my day-to-day stress reduction
because I am a firm believer that "mess is stress" and the principles
of Feng Shui of allowing the energy to flow more easily with clean
spaces.

It still amazes me how difficult it is to part with certain items in
the house that, even though we have no use for them, we want to hold
on to them. Perhaps it gives a feeling of comfort or security to know
we have "stuff" even if the "stuff" serves no purpose.

Now what about the emotional baggage that we keep acquiring over the
years. Are we clearing space for new emotions, hopefully positive,
emotions to flow? Maybe it is the same sense of fear of losing
something or being empty if we let go of the emotions that no longer
serve a real purpose in our life.

Have the courage to let go of your baggage, both emotional and
physical, and recognize the emotional hold that our emotions and
possessions can have on us.

Remembering gratitude

Gratitude is the heart's memory."
—French Proverb

What comes to mind when you hear the word gratitude? Is the
Thanksgiving holiday the only time to be grateful for all the food,
drink and friendship surrounding us on that day? The wonderful
celebration you experience then doesn't have to be limited to a once a
year event. Enjoying every meal, every day and every moment with those
we love filled with gratitude can increase your state of joy, and love
everyday.

As always, placing attention on what you have and being thankful for it
makes it expand which therefore increases the joy in your life. This
energy generates momentum bringing about more to be grateful for, which
in turn can create even more unexpected positive results.

Expressing gratitude is a way of remembering of our connections with
others, a reminder of our humanity, and a way of recognizing that we
are all one. Begin right now, by being thankful for what you have, what
you've had and what you will have.

The Mirror Effect

"You marry your unconscious mind. Let me repeat that — You marry your
unconscious mind. That means that any area of your life which is not in
harmony will surface the further you go into a marriage, in order to be
worked on and then cleared."
— Yvonne Oswald, Keyspeech, 9 Keys to Inner Power

The mirror effect works in many ways. Often in marriage, we marry our
mirrored selves so that we can effectively work out our life issues
with them. It is usually easier to see problems in others, instead of
ourselves. If we are aware enough, we can see through the blame and
accusations that we tend to easily dish out to our companions, family,
and friends, and we can start learning what issues we need to work
through and clear.

Give it a test. Take a situation or complaint you have with your spouse
or partner, or friend and write it down on paper. Then substitute their
name with your own name and see if the sentence is true to your case as
well. Also, make sure you know what time frame you are working in —
past or present. Does that sentence apply to you or your partner now or
is it a past issue that you are clinging to because you have not
forgiven yourself of your own past actions?

Also, be sure to learn to distinguish between your own limiting beliefs
about yourself and what is an actual true fact. There are many things
we may believe about ourselves that do not hold true. When you catch
yourself making these types of judgments about others, we should
examine if we are holding on to these limiting beliefs about ourselves
on a subconscious level of being.

Healthy Love

"To love deeply in one direction makes us more loving in all others."

— Anne-Sophie Swetchine

Have you heard the explanation of true love, of a soul-mate before
that goes like this; Two halves of a circle coming together to form a
whole? What do you think of that definition? I know when I was growing
up, that was what I read, what I saw in the movies, etc. So somehow
along the way, I figured that must be what true love was all about.

But what happens when the other person that I am a "half-of" doesn't
give me what I need? What if something is missing on my half. Aren't
they supposed to be my better half? Aren't they supposed to complete
me?

Well, I've decided to go with a different definition of "true love".
Instead of seeing two halves coming together, I see two complete (and
separate) rings interlocking. Two complete people with different needs
and personalities and ways of doing things that work well together (at
least most of the time). If something is not complete, it is lacking
in your ring. And it is for you to complete yourself and find out what
is missing in your ring that will bring you contentment and keep your
love intact.<fontfamily><param>Arial</param>

</fontfamily>

Speak your mind with clarity

"Follow the path of the unsafe, independent thinker. Expose your ideas
to the dangers of controversy. Speak your mind and fear less the label
of 'crackpot' than the stigma of conformity. And on issues that seem
important to you, stand up and be counted at any cost."

— Thomas J. Watson

Sometimes I want to throw my arms up in the air and say "why bother"!
Even if I speak my mind, it never changes anything, right? But then I
wouldn't be true to myself if I didn't speak up. The key is for me to
learn to speak with a balance between clarity and emotions.

Not that my emotions shouldn't be heard either. They are usually the
driving force behind my thoughts. But if that is all people can hear,
they may not hear the message with the clarity required.

My voice is an authentic part of me that needs to be expressed. The
only way others can get to know my true self is when I speak from my
heart. So I now allow myself to communicate my thoughts to others at
the appropriate time (cause timing is essential), with the correct
amount of emotional intensity.<fontfamily><param>Arial</param>

</fontfamily>

Act in spite of...

“It takes 30 days for a change in behavior to become a habit, and six
months for a habit to become the automatic way a person does things,
... If they haven't changed in 30 days, it's not happening.”

— Mark Goulston

Habits are funny things. At first they seem not so easy to make. And
then there are others that seem impossible to break. You know what I
mean. Making new good habits like working out, eating healthy, going
to bed at a more reasonable hour. Sounds so simple, yet after a week
or so, I find the tendency to let them slip. And then changing the old
(shall we say bad) habits, how come they seem so challenging to break?

 

So what can you do? Well, some studies show that it can take anywhere
from 30 days to 6 months to change your behaviours (habits) either
adding new good ones or eliminating the bad ones. So that means
keeping at it until you make it over that hurdle. Often, when you do
something especially when your mind and

body is fighting against your better direction, it solidifies the
change process.

<fontfamily><param>Arial</param>So, choose an action today that
challenges you and moves you forward. Take that action today, in spite
of any negative feelings or what your mind might tell you. Write it
down first thing in the morning and at the end of the day, write down
the feelings that came with accomplishing the action and how it has
helped you grow.

</fontfamily>

What do you want MORE of?

“You will never find time for anything. If you want time you must make
it.”
— Unknown

We know by now that what we focus on expands. So what do we want more
of in our life? For me, it seemed I was always feeling like there
wasn't enough time to do everything I wanted. Where could I find the
time to spend with my kids, go workout, make healthy balanced meals,
bake, sing, the list goes on and on.

I have come to realize that I will never find the time for all of that.
I have to simply MAKE the time. And that actually comes when you start
to examine what you really want more of in your life.

Make a list. Brainstorm all the things you want to do, feel you should
do, never have the time to do. Then clump them. What this means is
group them into similar categories to fit under one bigger heading.
Then you prioritize. What are the top 10. Then what are the top 3 that
I can do now. And then here's the big one — schedule it in. I find that
when I commit something in writing on my calendar, I am that much more
likely to actually do it.

So, what you do want more of in your life today?

Simply pick one thing

"You must BE the change you want to see in the world."
— Mahatma Gandhi

What could you work on now that would make a difference to your life.
Simply pick one thing that you could change or improve that would give
you a new start, a new perspective, a new direction.

You may want to look at the things that concern you in the world. Or
you could start with your day-to-day routines. Making a difference to
your life could be as simple as picking up the clutter in your house.
Gives you immediate results (a cleaner house). May help to reduce your
levels of stress (mess is stress). And gives you a goal to maintain
your new sense of well-being (keeping the clutter from accumulating,
therefore less work for the future).

So that was my one thing to make a change quickly and effectively. Now
your turn. What's one thing can you do today to put on your list of
successes and make you feel better? Remember, it's a start. And
sometimes that's all you need to get the journey of change rolling the
way you really want it to. Before you know it, there will be a long
list of accomplishments to your name.

The Other Powers

“Some people think only intellect counts: knowing how to solve
problems, knowing how to get by, knowing how to identify an advantage
and seize it. But the functions of intellect are insufficient without
courage, love, friendship, compassion and empathy.”
—Dean Koontz

I have done many years of research and reading on different ways to
help myself and to help others on this wonderful but sometimes
challenging journey of life. Out of all the tips and formulas out
there, the best advice I could find was turning to the core values of
courage, love, friendship, compassion, and empathy.

With these powerful tools, that are really so easy and natural to use,
I found the path to healing so much easier and comforting. Now,
whenever I am faced with a challenging situation I sit back and ask
myself to look at it from any of the above perspectives. I may have to
give it some patience, it is not always immediately obvious how to turn
these challenges into something more positive, but usually things
miraculously work out for the better using this method.

5 Steps to Permanent, Positive Change

If you haven't requested your copy of my short report on 5 Steps to Permanent, Positive, Change go to http://www.RealLifeChanges.com and click on the book link. I will e-mail your copy to you within the shortest delay. This is a short summary of all the research I have done over the years on the best steps to take to make permanent, positive changes in your life.

The other step that I find truly reinforces your journey of change, is helping others by sharing your story. If you have made some significant breakthroughs, let us know what you experienced, how you came about them, etc. Or if you are looking for a helping hand or words of guidance, put out your questions and see if we can help you with your next steps.

Thanks for all of the positive feedback we have been receiving for our report.

Sincerely,

Rose-Anne
RealLifeChanges.com

Do whatever has to be done

"Be miserable. Or motivate yourself. Whatever has to be done, it's
always your choice."
— Wayne Dyer

As I note my day-to-day moods, I have to come to the conclusion that
this quote is very true. When I am miserable, I hear this conversation
with myself actually deciding whether or not I want to stay that way a
little longer, or to just shake it off and move along to something
better.

I was miserable one moment, then the next I wasn't. Did my
circumstances change? Nope. Only my attitude about them did. And funny
enough, because my attitude changed, the problems that I labeled the
cause of my misery also seemed to change somehow. They suddenly seemed
lighter, less important. Or at least other things seemed more
important.

I have now begun to focus on positive constructive ways to alleviate
the situation that was bringing me down. That was my choice.

See the beauty in others

"If you admire greatness in another human being, it is your own
greatness you are seeing. [...] If you did not possess that quality you
would not be attracted by it."
— Debbie Ford

I have been writing a lot about how the non-positive focuses in our
life tend to show us the less than complementary attributes of our
personality and our life. We must also remember the opposite of all
that works as well, and sometimes even more powerfully.

For example, when you think of someone you admire, all the positive
things you attribute to that person are within you as well. If you
admire Oprah because she is so influential, it is because there is
something about you that helps to influence others. If you like Martha
Stewart because she continues to go strong in her business despite all
her past challenges, it is because you too are strong in the face of a
challenge.

So keep thinking about all the people you admire in your life, see
their beauty, because it is truly a reflection of what is admirable in
you as well.

Being accountable and responsible

"Happiness is when what you think, what you say, and what you do are in
harmony."
— Mahatma Gandhi

Accountability or responsibility, some work well with those terms while
others prefer to avoid them, believing that they will somehow
be "chained" to something or someone if they succumb to them.

Accountability can actually lead to the exact opposite and give you the
freedom that comes with being in control of your own life and your
actions and your thoughts. When you don't work with accountability and
responsibility, you may tend to want to blame others for your
circumstances. This takes the power away from yourself, you are now at
the mercy of others.

Embrace these two terms and allow what you think, what you say, and
what you do to be in perfect alignment with your road to happiness.

What are you keeping out?

"Do not protect yourself by a fence, but rather by your friends."
— Czech Proverb

I know some people who have been hurt, emotionally, by people they
thought loved them. And understandably they are now cautious of
trusting again, loving again. So they put up their protection shields
to keep people out. That way they won't get hurt again, right?

But what are they keeping out? Perhaps they won't get hurt by others,
but the life they are now creating seems to be hurting their chances
for joy, their chances for feeling love again. As much as we all would
prefer to live without hurt, keeping everyone out for fear of them
hurting us again will also keep out all who would love us again.

Instead of surrounding yourself with a fence of mistrust and fear,
surround yourself with a circle of supportive and loving friends. Allow
yourself to attract those that would love you by loving others first.

Are you aware of the little details?

"Very few people really see things unless they've had someone in early
life who made them look at things. And name them too. But the looking
is primary, the focus."
— Denise Levertov

As I enjoy looking at my garden on this sunny summer morning, I become
aware of so much more than the leaves and the flowers blossoming. I
take note of the interesting edges on the petals, the small bug
crawling up a leaf.

I realized that I don't always look at the rest of the world this way,
rushing by seeing only the big picture or the usual views. The other
weekend, I looked at a corner that I have seen over and over yet
realized that I had never noticed that there was a graveyard tucked in
behind the bushes, so in the habit of looking only at the buildings in
front.

It reminded me that we all need to take the time to acknowledge all the
little parts of our lives. We need to remember to look at life and the
world around us in a different way. Slow down. Be aware of where we
are, what we see, what we feel. Sometimes there might be something
there that we just never noticed. And some times we may find that the
sum of all the little things is much greater than the whole.

Kind words

"Kind words can be short and easy to speak but their echoes are truly endless."
— Mother Teresa

I received a phone call from someone the other day that really made me realized how important it is to do simple gestures of kindness. I had met her only once before viewing her house in the endless array of house-hunting we had been doing. While she was showing me her beautiful garden, I mentioned that she has beautiful eyes, which was simply a true and genuine compliment.

At the time, she blushed and was totally shocked that I would say that. It had been so long since anyone had ever said something so nice to her. It touched her so deeply and made her feel so good, she had to call me weeks later to say thank you.

It reminds me of how much I too crave simple gestures of kindness from time to time. Someone who gives a heart-felt compliment for no particular gain or reason and my day shines brighter because of it.

Let us never forget the simple kind gestures that can make a person's day go that much better. Let us be there to remind others that we are all beautiful people even when we don't hear it everyday. Reach out a warm loving hand to reassure someone in need and someone will be there for you when you need it too. Little by little we can brighten the smiles of the world with simple gestures of kindness.

Bring out the steel umbrellas

"You have to make darn sure not to put yourself in the proximity of complainers. If you absolutely have to be nearby, make sure you bring a steel umbrella or the crap meant for them will get you too!"
— Harv Eker, Secrets of the Millionaire Mind

You know the saying, misery likes company? And by now, we understand that what we focus on expands. So if we are around people who complain a lot, then what they are attracting into their lives may spread to yours if you let it affect you.

There was this one relative of mine, and each time we spoke, I came away feeling really drained and found myself getting really aggravated by the littlest things she would say. I couldn't figure it out at first, but then I realized she was always complaining to me about how miserable her life is, and how horrible her childhood was. I would do my best to give her some empowering guidance or simply a sympathetic ear. But the story never changed. Instead of me helping her feel better, her negative energy was far stronger (and more rehearsed) so it ended up bringing my energy closer to her lower level.

Even though it is our intention to help, sometimes it is better for everyone to simply stay away from miserable people — at least the ones who have no intention of ever changing for the better. This can be tricky to do if you are in a profession that is out to help people in this state. And I am not suggesting that we abandon the souls in need. However, make sure you have your energy shields up to protect you from these misfortune magnets.

Kind words

"Kind words can be short and easy to speak but their echoes
are truly endless."
— Mother Teresa

I received a phone call from someone the other day that really made me realized how important it is to do simple gestures of kindness. I had met her only once before viewing her house in the endless array of house-hunting we had been doing. While she was showing me her beautiful garden, I mentioned that she
has beautiful eyes, which was simply a true and genuine compliment.

At the time, she blushed and was totally shocked that I would say that. It had been so long since anyone had ever said something so nice to her. It touched her so deeply and made her feel so good, she had to call me weeks later to say thank you.

It reminds me of how much I too crave simple gestures of kindness from time to time. Someone who gives a heart-felt compliment for no particular gain or reason and my day shines brighter because of it.

Let us never forget the simple kind gestures that can make a person's day go that much better. Let us be there to remind others that we are all beautiful people even when we don't hear it everyday. Reach out a warm loving hand to reassure someone in need and someone will be there for you when you need it too. Little by little we can brighten the smiles of the world with simple gestures of kindness.

Does it improve the silence?

"Before you speak, ask yourself, is it kind, is it necessary, is it
true, does it improve on the silence?"
— Sai Baba

I feel the above quote to be so well stated that it is hard for me to
add anything to it that could clarify on its wisdom. So this shall be
short and brief. When tempted to fill the silence with words, please
consider the question above carefully before you speak. Make sure what
you are saying is kind. Be certain that it is something that absolutely
needs to be said. Verify that what you are about to say is in fact true
and not just a hasty judgment or ego-driven opinion. And finally,
assure yourself that it will improve the situation or be helpful to
someone or something.

Knowledge junkies

"You see, in life, lots of people know what to do, but few people actually do what they know. Knowing is not enough! You must take action."
— Tony Robbins

For many years this was the way it was for me. I would read all these fantastic books on spirituality, health, wellness, etc. The academic in me would take it all in and I could happily report that I had read all these authors with their important messages of personal growth.

So why was my life such a mess? I knew it all, right?

Well, first off, I don't believe we will ever truly know it all. There is so much to know out there. And it is constantly evolving. And secondly, I didn't actually know this stuff since I wasn't actually living it.

Get off the knowledge junkie path and start taking action with all the knowledge you have built up in your life. I do believe we have the knowledge inside each and everyone of us for living to our highest potential if we would just do what we already know.

One Day at a Time

"The power to create quality of life is not in any planner. The power
to create quality of life is within us, in our ability to develop and
use our own inner-compass so that we can act with integrity in the
moment of choice."
— Stephen Covey

What will happen tomorrow? Or the next day? Or the next week, month,
year? Other than some fairly predictable norms in my life, I wouldn't
be able to answer that with much detail or accuracy because I simply
cannot know about something that has not yet happened. And what about
all the things that are going to happen that I can't even imagine at
this present moment? How will they affect the equation when I didn't
put them into my calculations?

So why do we take up so much of our time thinking, or worse yet,
worrying about the future when we have no way to know for certain what
it will entail?

No matter how challenging your situation appears to you at this time,
you can make it through one day at a time. Focus on the present day and
moment and what action steps you can take right now. Understand that
each conscious choice you make now will create the quality of life upon
which you decide.

Focus on the desired outcome

"Dream lofty dreams, and as you dream, so shall you become. Your vision
is the promise of what you shall one day be: your ideal is the prophecy
of what you shall at last unveil."
— James Allen

It is not easy to focus on a positive outcome when you are in the
middle of a crisis or life challenge. However, the most important thing
you can do at that point is to focus on what you want to happen, not
what is actually happening. As you may have heard with the Law of
Attraction, what you focus on expands. Remember, that means if you are
focusing on the negative possibilities, they will expand. If you are
focusing on the positive outcomes, they will expand.

Your vision of the positive outcome unfolding is like the map being
drawn, giving the future its direction.

5 Steps to Permanent, Positive Change

If you haven't requested your copy of my short report on 5 Steps to Permanent, Positive, Change go to http://www.RealLifeChanges.com and click on the book link. I will e-mail your copy to you within the shortest delay. This is a short summary of all the research I have done over the years on the best steps to take to make permanent, positive changes in your life.

The other step that I find truly reinforces your journey of change, is helping others by sharing your story. If you have made some significant breakthroughs, let us know what you experienced, how you came about them, etc. Or if you are looking for a helping hand or words of guidance, put out your questions and see if we can help you with your next steps.

Thanks for all of the positive feedback we have been receiving for our report.

Sincerely,

Rose-Anne
RealLifeChanges.com

Forgive the monster in you

"If you haven't forgiven yourself something, how
can you forgive others?"
— Dolores Huerta

I was asked the other day how can one forgive
oneself for all the terrible things done in the past?

It is simple: Forgiving yourself is key to being a better
person right now. If I were to go through my days
constantly punishing myself and telling myself that I
am a terrible person, what kind of a person would I be
to all those that I have to deal with every day?
— A terrible one. And probably a depressed one.
Certainly no one that I would want my children interacting
with and learning from every day.

Would I be able to give love to anyone else when I can't
even muster up enough for myself? No. I need to forgive
myself and love myself so that I am full of this loving and
positive energy that can then shine out to all those in my life.

We all have monsters from our past — big and small.
Stop punishing yourself and use active forgetting
to guide you each day. It's time to forgive the monster in you
and allow others see the love light shine bright through you!

Active Forgetting

Active Forgetting

"Life is an adventure in forgiveness."
— Norman Cousins (1912-1990)

If I were to ask you to remember a past event that caused some sort of negative emotion for you, how would you feel about talking about it? Would you feel all the negative emotions filling up your brain and your heart? Do you begin to feel the sadness, the anger, the frustration of that event even though you are completely removed from that moment in time? For me, it's almost like the past is reliving itself all over again just by talking about it.

So why is it that so many of us insist on talking about our painful past events, digging up minute details, and allowing ourselves to be caught up in all that emotion all over again? What is to be gained? What is to be improved doing this over and over again with no resolution in sight?

It is my firm belief that you do not have to keep talking about the past in order to work out the issues associated with it. I call it active forgetting. We all know that these types of events don't just disappear from our memories, even if we don't talk about them everyday. They are part of who we are. So let us start by understanding and accepting that we have not forgotten and therefore we do not need to refresh our memories by talking about them.

However, in my day to day life, I will not allow myself to be a victim of my past. I will however, actively use that marker as a learning tool, a silent reminder that I use as a clear guide as to what I don't want my life to be like anymore. I am focused on the now and fill my life with positive energy and love. Therefore, if I don't want to feel those negative emotions anymore, it is key to not rehash the old events. Focus on present day issues.

I do remember, I do forgive, and I live a life of love from now onward.

Caring by sharing

"One of the most valuable things we can do to heal one another is listen to each other's stories."
— Rebecca Falls

I have always had the opportunity to listen to the stories of my friends and family. They often turned to me for a sympathetic ear or even, from time to time, a shoulder to cry on. I may not have always had the perfect thing to say to comfort them, or know the right advice to get them through. But that wasn't what they really needed anyway.

We all need a safe place to share our stories so that we can release our emotions and move on to a healthy, happy state of mind. Switch the roles every now and then and be the ear for someone else. Find that support person that will unconditionally be there to hear you.

If you have something you would like to safely and anonymously write about, write a comment and let it out. Maybe someone out there is going through a similar situation and can offer a tip or two as well.