Forgive the monster in you

"If you haven't forgiven yourself something, how
can you forgive others?"
— Dolores Huerta

I was asked the other day how can one forgive
oneself for all the terrible things done in the past?

It is simple: Forgiving yourself is key to being a better
person right now. If I were to go through my days
constantly punishing myself and telling myself that I
am a terrible person, what kind of a person would I be
to all those that I have to deal with every day?
— A terrible one. And probably a depressed one.
Certainly no one that I would want my children interacting
with and learning from every day.

Would I be able to give love to anyone else when I can't
even muster up enough for myself? No. I need to forgive
myself and love myself so that I am full of this loving and
positive energy that can then shine out to all those in my life.

We all have monsters from our past — big and small.
Stop punishing yourself and use active forgetting
to guide you each day. It's time to forgive the monster in you
and allow others see the love light shine bright through you!

Active Forgetting

Active Forgetting

"Life is an adventure in forgiveness."
— Norman Cousins (1912-1990)

If I were to ask you to remember a past event that caused some sort of negative emotion for you, how would you feel about talking about it? Would you feel all the negative emotions filling up your brain and your heart? Do you begin to feel the sadness, the anger, the frustration of that event even though you are completely removed from that moment in time? For me, it's almost like the past is reliving itself all over again just by talking about it.

So why is it that so many of us insist on talking about our painful past events, digging up minute details, and allowing ourselves to be caught up in all that emotion all over again? What is to be gained? What is to be improved doing this over and over again with no resolution in sight?

It is my firm belief that you do not have to keep talking about the past in order to work out the issues associated with it. I call it active forgetting. We all know that these types of events don't just disappear from our memories, even if we don't talk about them everyday. They are part of who we are. So let us start by understanding and accepting that we have not forgotten and therefore we do not need to refresh our memories by talking about them.

However, in my day to day life, I will not allow myself to be a victim of my past. I will however, actively use that marker as a learning tool, a silent reminder that I use as a clear guide as to what I don't want my life to be like anymore. I am focused on the now and fill my life with positive energy and love. Therefore, if I don't want to feel those negative emotions anymore, it is key to not rehash the old events. Focus on present day issues.

I do remember, I do forgive, and I live a life of love from now onward.