The Repeat Cycle

Do you find that you keep having the same problems crop up in your life? Some say that they keep getting in the same bad relationships, just with different people. For others, they always find the lousy jobs. Do you keep gaining weight no matter what you do. It can even be found in patterns of illness that keep arising.

Life sends us teachers in all different forms. And life will keep sending the teachers until we learn the lesson that was attached to the challenge. If you find yourself in a loop cycle, shift your perspective so that you can see the lessons in the situation. Then you will be freed from the same repeating patterns that have challenged you in the past and you will be ready to face new, evolutionary challenges appropriate for your current stage in life.

Let yourself be present to your emotions

"What if, instead of 'reframing' my emotions, I simply welcomed them and allowed them to be fully felt? I wonder if I might find this peace she is speaking about in the core of the feeling?"
— Brandon Bays, The Journey

What an interesting concept. Not only does Brandon Bays suggest that you accept your emotions, but she actually believes that we should welcome all our emotions and feel them completely. These days you hear everything from changing your negative thoughts to positive ones, do whatever you can to avoid the emotions, or even recommendations to take drugs to numb the feelings.

It has been on my journey of self-discovery that I have discovered that nothing is what it seems at the surface level. All the emotions I have been working through to get to my best me has proven that my first surface, impression was usually inaccurate. My anger wasn't just anger, it was fear. My self-destructive thoughts were actually there to show me that I lacked self-confidence. I could go on and on.

Once you allow yourself to feel your emotions fully, but not wallow in them or dump them on someone else, you can start to peal away the layers that have been building up on the original feeling. Sometimes you will even discover that your present breakdowns have more to do with a past emotional hurt than with the trigger event that brought the feelings up in the present moment.

Voice your fears

"The greatest mistake you can make in life is to be continually fearing you will make one."
— Elbert Hubbard (1856-1915)

When you say what you fear out loud, you will often find how ridiculous, or inaccurate, or inappropriate it is for your life. I just had a talk with my husband about one of the fears holding me back from making some simple phone calls. I had to call some people that I didn't know in order to set up an interview time with them. In my mind I knew that this was no big deal for me to do. I have definitely done more challenging tasks or assignments. So what was holding me back? Why was I so afraid to just make these calls? I had been procrastinating for over two weeks now, coming up with excuse after excuse as to why I should put it off until the next day.

Well, a little self-probing I realized that it wasn't making the phone calls that was posing the problem, but making the phone calls with my husband within earshot. I was fearing his judgment or criticism of me and my ability to call up strangers to book an interview. No wait, take it a step farther, I was afraid he would think that I am not as competent as I always lead him to believe. I wanted to make the calls when he wasn't around, so that if I said something stupid, he wouldn't know about it and couldn't criticize me. So really, I was fearing being criticized by someone who I really respect and value their opinion.

After talking it through with him (with many emotions coming to the surface) I was able to see that one of my biggest challenges in this lifetime was cropping up again — I care way too much what people think about me, both positively and negatively. Once I voiced it, I was able to let it go, make the phone calls and move on. But not without consciously noting my lesson for future reference; Nothing and no one can give me the love of self that I seek. I cannot get it from a career, relationship, family, or material possession. I am all that I need to find this love and no one can take it away from me either.

And just remember to speak out your fears. When you let them roam about in your mind, they have a tendency to grow to something much bigger than they really are. Once you voice them aloud, you will find the wisdom within you to set them free.

Misunderstandings

"The most important thing in communication is to hear what isn't being said."
— Peter Drucker

Assuming is a dangerous tactic. While it may seem that you know what is going on in a situation in your own mind, it is shocking to find out how wrong we can be at times. We allow our egos and emotions to take over the thinking process.

During a conversation I had the other day with my husband, it was almost amusing in the end how much we both had assumed and how little we were actually listening to each other. It started with my husband thinking that he knew what I was thinking. Then when he stated what he thought I was thinking, I misunderstood and assumed he was saying something to purposely hurt my feelings.

Simply put, we were both wrong and it took quite a bit of talking it out to figure it all out. Thankfully we were willing and able to talk it out to settle the misunderstanding before it went any further. But it was quite an eye-opener. How easy it is to misunderstand someone else. We get into the habit of thinking we know the other person so well because we have been together for so long. And for the most part, that is very true. But throw in some dangerous ego play, some past emotional hurts, you will soon discover chaos reigns.

Once again, communication is the key. Clear and concise without any room for assumptions. Even with those we think we know so well.

Trust in yourself and the universe

"Though I didn't know where to begin, I felt this constant, insistent inner knowing that somehow I would be guided. So, all I could do was TRUST."
— Brandon Bays, The Journey

How much do you trust yourself, trust your instincts? Maybe when things are going well, it's a little easier to feel like you know what you are doing and you feel in control. But when things go wrong, what then? Do you question your thoughts, your decisions?

My advice — let go. Let go of trying to control the situation and figuring out the exact direction you need to be taking. Often you will have a flood of emotions taking over your senses during stressful or trying times that don't allow you to "think" it through. So the best course of action is to let it come to you.

Trust that the right answers will come your way. Trust that the answers that your head thinks are not right, might be right. Sometimes your life path might not be what you chiseled out in stone long ago or promised yourself when you were a little child. You just don't know it yet, but you will be guided to the right path for you at the right time for you if you just let go.

Act as if you don't know everything

"A good listener is not only popular everywhere, but after a while he gets to know something."
— Wilson Mizner (1876 - 1933)

As I have mentioned before, communication is one of the most important keys to a successfull life. And communication is more than being a good speaker, as it equally involves being a good listener.

Another interesting tactic in effective communication is going into the conversation with the thought that "I know nothing". When I listen to someone as if I already know all there is to know about the message or the information being presented, I might miss the insights I need to get in order to progress to the next level of growth, fullfilment, and success in my life path.

If a person is full of self-satisfaction and thinks they have all the answers, they close themselves off from receiving wisdom from all the sources available in their life.

Respecting the individual

"We must respect the body as an individual planet. No person should try to own another. We should assign ourselves to assist and to help one another, but never try to own or possess. Jealousy is a deadly disease which disintegrates the body."
— "Mr. A", in Born to Heal by Ruth Montgomery

There seems to be some confusion over what jealousy is really all about. Some seem to believe that it has everything to do with loving someone. But when jealousy enters into a relationship, anger is soon to follow. Anger and fear are two of the greatest emotional setbacks a person can experience. They can actually make a person sick by drawing out all the energy from the body where it is needed to maintain optimum health and placing it into the negative emotion instead.

Think back to any of your relationships, past or present, that entertained jealousy on either side. How well did the relationship do? Did it survive? Did it blossom? More than likely it did not. Jealously drains the soul and depleats any love that may have been there in the first place.

Remember the Law of Attraction: like attracts like. If you are a loving, giving, and respectful person in a relationship, you will attract the same in your partner. Focus on respecting the individual in yourself and in your partner and you will see your love grow.

Going to L.A.

Just to let you all know, we are going to be closed down for the month of July (June 28th to July 29th exactly). This means that we will not be sending out our daily e-mail inspirations during that period. However, I personally am going to do my best to post daily inspirations on this blog site which you can read and also comment on at your leisure.

We have some exciting stuff in development that we are anxious to share with you all in the very near future. Hopefully, we will have something to announce in August once we are all recharged and ready to go for the rest of the year.

Don't forget to bookmark this site and make use of the comment feature so that we can all help each other through life's challenges.

Have a great summer.

You are not the emotion

"Men decide far more problems by hate, love, lust, rage, sorrow, joy, hope, fear, illusion, or some other inward emotion, than by reality, authority, any legal standard, judicial precedent, or statute."
— Cicero (106 - 43 BC)

Take a look around at a child that falls down. What is the first thing they do? They look up to see if anyone saw them fall. If no one is around, they get up and keep going like nothing happened. If there is someone there, the tears start to fall and the drama begins. But usually, you can give that "boo-boo" a kiss and once again they will be up and running around having fun.

Adults unfortunately have forgotten what it is like to let go of their emotions once they are done with them. Do you catch yourself saying things like, "I am sad" or "I am angry"? In others words you ARE the emotion, not just a person experiencing the emotion. What we should be saying is "I feel sad" or "I feel angry". This allows for you to observe the emotion but not become the emotion. It will also allow the emotion to roll off you once you are done "playing" with it.

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The other funny thing about emotions is that sometimes the more you get caught up in them, the harder it is to remember why you were having the emotion in the first place. If you become so involved or concerned about having a drama scene instead of having an emotional experience, you most likely will not benefit from anything the emotion could teach you in the first place. Emotions are not the bad guys in this picture. It is simply how we choose to use the emotions that can end up all wrong.

When you find yourself stuck in an old emotion, picture it as a stone in your fist. Squeeze it hard and for a long time. As you notice how uncomfortable it becomes also notice how normal it feels to have this uncomfortable sensation. Now open your hand, roll the stone around and see that it is not a part of your body. Then take the big step and let it roll right out of your hand. It's that easy. Your hand doesn't need to keep squeezing it even though it has gotten used to holding it tight. You are not the emotion.

Anger Management

"Speak when you are angry — and you will make the best speech you'll ever regret."
— Laurence J. Peter (1919-1988)

Research has documented the important role that expression or repression of anger and hostility plays in disease progression. Physical activity can be a healthy catharsis for this most abrasive emotion. It can provide a socially acceptable means of physically releasing negative energy. No matter what you do, from kickboxing to yoga, the physical release of energy appears to dissipate feelings of anger in a positive way. After just 20 minutes of exercise, the brain starts releasing epinephrine and endorphins into the system, which lower tension and help stress stabilization.

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Also, just a quick note to remind you that you should not just ignore your anger. There is a message in it, if you can calm yourself down long enough to look deeper into the emotion. Ask yourself why you are really angry? Sometimes slowing yourself down to think will also give you a more appropriate and effective resolution to the true issue at heart.

This is Success

"To laugh often and much; to win the respect of intelligent people and the affection of children; to earn the appreciation of honest critics and endure the betrayal of false friends; to appreciate beauty; to find the best in others; to leave the world a bit better, whether by a healthy child, a garden patch, or a redeemed social condition; to know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived. This is to have succeeded."
— Ralph Waldo Emerson

If you were to ask someone what would make them happiest in life, a large majority would most likely give answers like: "Spending more time with my kids", "Having more free time to go out with friends", "Getting the garden looking like I've always dreamed it would", "Going out to camp, or fish, or travel". These are the things that make our body, mind, and soul feel complete.

Strangely enough, the same people who gave these answers are the same ones that are working 24-7 to get the bigger house, more expensive car, and the bigger title. Which means they don't have the time for their kids, friends, garden, camping, fishing, or traveling.

If you find that you too are stuck in this self-deceiving cycle, write down the things that would truly make you happy and post them someplace that you will see them constantly as a daily reminder to what really counts in your life. Start living true to your inner guidance for happiness.

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This is can be a tough one. As I grew up in a large family, material "things" were not usually used as signs of success. There were not many "things" to go around. But I did have the fortune to have parents that valued nature and saw the importance of getting a nature retreat for the whole family to get away to every spring all the way to the last leaf dropping in the fall, and even sometimes during some wonderfully white winters. Yeah, I might not have gone away to Florida or the Caribbean like some of my friends did during March break, but I would never want to give back my cottage memories for a couple of trips to sunny places.

But strangely enough, it still must have affected me to some level of my being, because we certainly have done Florida with my kids many, many more times that I would have ever imagined doing as a child myself. This being said I feel that I sometimes work far too much and too hard to get these "things" and as a price I don't get to spend as much time with my kids.

It all comes down to balance. In my opinion, there is nothing wrong with getting a bigger house, or more expensive car, or a bigger title if you are not sacrificing the things that matter most to you in your life. If you can enjoy life to it's fullest and get all the material toys and goodies that you want at the same time, all the power to you. Just don't get lost on the way.

Be An Example

"Example is not the main thing in influencing others. It is the only thing."
— Albert Schweitzer, (1875-1965)

Sometimes, no matter how much you want to change, change just seems to evade you. Perhaps it is willpower. Perhaps deep down, even subconsciously, you do not feel worthy of improvement, happiness, or success. Whatever the reason, something diverts you from your goals and change does not occur. What can you do then?

If becoming the best you can be for yourself just doesn't inspire you to succeed, then dedicate your change or improvement to someone else and do it for them. Find someone who can use a positive role model and who would benefit from seeing you take yourself and your life to the next level. They don't need to know that you are doing this for them. But keep that person, or group of people, in mind as you check your progress on a daily basis.

On your way to success you will be an inspiring example teaching others that they too can do the same as you.

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There is another side to finding someone you can be a role model for, and that is that most likely you already are a role model whether or not you know it. Someone out there is looking up to you to show them the best way to live life. I was often very surprised when certain individuals confessed to me that they did look up to me as an example. This was particularly surprising at times because in two cases I definitely believed that these people didn't even like me very much, let alone look up to me!

Most likely, you will not have to look far to find someone to dedicate a change of life to: children, relatives, co-workers, friends, neighbours. This list truly could go on and on.

And if you don't have difficulty in improving your life already, then know that there is a bonus to the whole process, you too will be influencing and inspiring others with the wonderful life you are creating for yourself.

Every moment is special

"If we take care of the moments, the years will take care of themselves."
— Maria Edgeworth, O Magazine, April 2004

Think back over the last week. How many moments were significant enough that you will remember them right now, or in a week, or in a month, a year, or even five years from now? Most of the time we are so busy surviving life that we let each moment slip by relatively unnoticed. In this rushed pace of living we also tend to take the people in our lives for granted, forget why we are really doing what we are doing, and don't even sacrifice a moment of time to be thankful for all that we have right now right here in front of us.

Time is a precious gift. Start living every moment in a more conscious light and you will begin to see how ordinary moments in your life are truly extraordinary. When you discover a particular moment in time that you want to treasure for years to come, stop and truly take it in. Allow yourself to stay in the experience, even just mentally, for a little longer than usual to notice what is so special about the moment. Soon you will be well on your way to building a mountain of wonderful memories of all the special moments in your life.

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As a mother of two, fast-growing kids, this message is especially important to me. Every day that goes by is another day of fantastic new discoveries and development for them. If I am so busy with my work or my stresses, am I going to miss out on these special days of growing up? Absolutely. It has already happened.

But I have also learned that it is never too late to start taking in the moments with them. I treasure each helping hand in the garden I get. Or an impromtu game of football toss. Even the morning walks to school full of laughter and silliness have now been embedded into my head. These moments are far too special to me to let slip away in the mass of neverending to-do lists and work. Once my children are grown up, I will have the joy of looking back on all these consciously stored memories and moments in our ever-changing lives.

Feel good about who you are

"When we feel great about who we are, we radiate an undeniable magnetic energy that attracts to us all the things we desire."
—Debbie Ford, The Best Year of Your LIfe

Having high self-esteem is probably the most important requirement in achieving success, obtaining what you want in life, and simply living the best life you could possibly live. Too often we are lead to believe that we can feel good or better by obtaining things outside ourselves — money, status, respect from others. This often means we neglect and minimize the importance of how we feel inside.

As long as we continue to feel shame, judgment, doubt about who we are, happiness and success will not find their ways to us as we run around trying to fill the void with things outside ourselves. When we have the courage to love and respect who we are, both perfect and imperfect, we automatically feel deserving enough to have it all.

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Until you make an honest assessment of how you feel about yourself deep down — the behaviours, the habits, the choices you make on a regular basis that diminish your sense of self — you will not be able to find that "true" happiness you read about and hear about all the time. Take the time to evaluate how you can counter your self-defeating choices and thoughts. Write down new actions that would elevate your sense of worth and help you to start feeling good about who you are, exactly as you are.

Be true to who you are

Be true to who you are

"I pay no attention whatever to anybody's praise or blame. I simply follow my own feelings."
— Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart

As difficult as it may be to listen only to your inner self, allowing yourself to be guided by others opinions of you, either good or bad, will leave you feeling like you are the rope in a game of tug-o-war.

Follow your heart and you will never go astray for it will always be true to you.

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This was a difficult one for me to get when I was feeling low and down about myself. If someone were to pay me a compliment or praise me, I let their feelings, whether genuine or not, replace my doubts about myself. Now that might sound ok on the surface. I was able to pull myself out of the blues, right? Well, not really, because it wasn't my feelings about myself. I didn't truly feel worthy of those compliments and therefore was not able to rely on my own feelings to feel good again. That meant in order to feel good about myself, I had to rely on outsiders to pump me up.

The other danger was that if someone said something negative about me, I also really took that to heart. I then found myself feeling low again and not knowing how to get out of it myself.

In order to avoid this pulling and tugging up and down, I had to finally realize that the opinions of others, even the good ones, should not define who I am or how I feel about myself. I had to find my balance and stay there no matter what. And the key to staying in balance is to love yourself exactly as you are. Change is good, but true change in your life will only happen, and stay, when you love yourself enough to accept that you deserve to have the life you want, exactly like you want it.

Simplify Your Life

A simple life

"Live simply so that others may simply live."
— Gandhi

When he said to "live simply" did he mean live a life of poverty, give up your worldly goods, etc.? I don't believe so. But these days it seems to become harder and harder to get our minds around how to live simply. What I think it means is to live a life that doesn't overwhelm you. If you find that your life is so complicated and busy that you don't even know who you truly are anymore, it might be an indication that your life needs simplification.

Simplification might also mean learning to say "no" to some of the requests that are placed on you. We are taught to give and and help others, and that is all very good and true. But if you have nothing left of yourself or no time left to give to yourself, how can you keep giving to others?

Slow down, step back, examine your days and your routines. How much of it do you really feel is necessary to keep on the schedule? When you give yourself the gift of simplifying your life, you will actually be giving others the gift of a more complete (and mentally sane) you.

NEW — Daily Inspiration Feedback

When I become inspired on a specific quote or message for the day, there is often much more behind the inspiration than I am able to include in the daily e-mail inspiration. Now with the addition of this blogger, you can read more about the inspiration or even comment for others to read your opinion on it as well. I hope this new addition to Real Life Changes will help us share our stories to help others. We have to remember that we are not alone in our daily struggles. Most of us have been through the same difficult situations at some point in our life or will go through them some time in the future. Let us all be there for one another so that we can all inspire some wonderful Real Life Changes.